"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
