he was CRYING into my vagina
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
