i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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