She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
