I wish I only lived at night.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
