he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
