where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
