My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
