Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
