Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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