We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
