We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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