i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
