yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Never let your siblings swipe right.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
