Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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