i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
