I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
