You're completely useless in the revolution.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
