nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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