you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
