I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
