omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
