your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
