oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
