I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
