This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
