arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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