8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
