sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
