well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
