first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
