I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
