Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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