Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
