If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
