drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
