How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
