I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
