Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
