Pappa wants mamma naked
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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