he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
