this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
