i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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