So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
