she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
honey bunches of taint.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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