If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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