i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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