I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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