Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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