I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
