New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
