i already hear my dad disowning me
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
