Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
