There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
